THE NITEMOVERZ CODE OF CONDUCT:

1. All pumps shall be sprayed

A. One shall always be pumping

Ex: I pumped the draft when I got Justin Jefferson at pick #8

B. Should an individual not be pumping, that individual shall be "getting pumped"

Ex: Marco got pumped when ESPN wouldn't let him draft Jameson Williams (Marco, did I guess right?!)

2. All pops shall be paired

(e.g., "Two pops")

3. All takes shall be hot

A. But only insofar as one has juzt woken up

4. Nobody shall outpizza the hut

5. All Nitemoverz shall floss and have a weighted blanket

6. Don't believe anything DWeb says.

A. Some of what DWeb says may be true, but it's only to lure you in for the rest of the bullshit

7. Any player in the Flex position shall be the one whose game starts the latest of his position

Post-Draft Hot Takes; 1 good and bad per team, for me to lord over you if I'm right, and conveniently forget about if I'm wrong:

• DWeb

  • Good: You may have missed out on Mark Andrews, but Rashod Bateman will be better

  • Bad: JT not a top 5 RB this year

• ALEX

  • Good: steal with Mike Thomas in the 7th round

    • • Take made simply for the rage it would fuel in DWeb, since he got hurt the year DWeb drafted him in the first round

  • Bad: Lol at Kittle over Pitts at all, let alone in the 2nd round. Just because our commissioner is contractually obligated to pick a 49er doesn't mean you are

• GEOFF

  • Good: Kenneth Walker III in the 11th round will be a way better pick than Rashad Penny (9th round)

  • Bad: CMC Saquon Barkley's you this year

• BRANDON

  • Good: I'm assuming you took Tee Higgins just so I couldn't have him; Top 10 WR this year

  • Bad: This is the year Tyreek Hill Tyreek Chills

• GABE

  • Good: TJ Hockenson TJ Rockensons this year (Better than Kittle)

  • Bad: Leonard Fournette... more like Leonard Forget

• ANDREAS

  • Good: Tyler Bass wins you some games this year.

    • Also, you learn to make your own decisions this year (see Samuel L. Jackson meme above lol)

  • Bad: Good luck with AJ Brown and DJ Moore as your receivers

• TOM

  • Good: Davante Adams hardly misses a step on his new team

  • Bad: Uh... I don't really have a hot take, other than this meme supplied by Marco...

• ERIC

  • Good: Justin Jefferson finishes as WR1 (For real, he was my first choice, and I didn't think he'd fall to me at pick #8)

  • Bad: Lol, good luck with all but one of your RBs being long-shot "well, maybe he could do well if the starter gets hurt" players

  • Oh yeah: TIM - the last few years we've had a bet about players scoring points, both of which you've won. Go again this year?

Keenan Allen vs Mike Williamz

• TIM

  • Good: JK Dobbins breaks out this year

  • Atlas is a fucking dope-ass middle name. Great pick

  • Bad: You'll be CeeDee Lambasting your round 2 pick for not performing up to Round 2 standards

• RAPH

  • Good: Jamaal Williams steal in R11

    • Also congrats on waiting for the 4th round this year before taking a TE

  • Bad: Time for the annual Great Giving of Shit for drafting Dak too early. THIS YEAR is the year that becomes a bad choice

    • Backup take is Kamara disappoints

• EDWARD

  • Good: Saquon Barkley proves to be worth a 2nd round pick

    • Take made for the hilarity if, after sucking for Geoff several years in a row, Barkley blows up the one year Geoff doesn't draft him

  • Bad: Christian Kirk droppable by week 5

• Marco

  • Good: Van Jefferson in R10 is the "real" Allen Robinson this year (aaaannnddd you dropped him before I could publish)

  • New good: Joe Mixon overall RB1 this year

  • Bad: Dameon Pierce was not worth a 6th round pick

    • To be fair, you were in the un-enviable position of "Shit, better take the guy I want before I take a nap for ten minutes until my next pick"

Thank you to Tim for setting up the Zoom at the risk of your R1 pick so Geoff and I could be pity called in. And congrats on the birth of your son!

Lastly and unfortunately, the PumpSpray will almost certainly not be weekly this year. I'll do my best, but it won't be consistent because... if you'll allow me a quick brag, I'm now a team lead at work, and working toward leveling up, which has been taking a lot out of me. Any and every member of the league is welcome to make their own publication if they feel up to it; the worst-case scenario would be more content, and I don't see how that's a bad thing.

As always, may you find fortune and success!

In real life.

Fuck your fantasy teams.

(However, despite my curse on you all, it won't affect Brandon because Tee Higgins is going to shine this year.)